'This portrait is me - this portrait is not me.

The self portrait is something I have been interested in for as long as I can remember making art. There is a level of dissociation which occurs when you look at yourself too long. At first glance you recognise 'this is myself'. Then slowly an analytical distance occurs. You start to see yourself more as form, flesh, curvature and skin. Abstract shapes. 'This is not me, not what I think I look like' 'This is the mirror' 'This is the phone' 'This is the filter'. We dissociate. I think there is a strong tie between looking at yourself too much and dissociating from reality.

Current technology, applications and social media have us frequently looking at ourselves and making constant comparison, so much so I can say with confidence I have met many people in creative industries who view the 'real world' mainly as content for their feed. I am not a person with my own life to them - I am a side character in the movie of their life. This dissociation has become normalised behaviour.

Some cultures believe taking a picture of someone will steal your soul - do we still have souls today?'



All portraits are presented in their original uncensored format. Many of these images have resulted in bans on Instagram and Tiktok.

Each of these portraits takes an average of 1-2 months to create. No AI generation is included in any stage of the process.

As this is an ongoing series, this page will be updated regularly with new pieces as they are released.  

'Medium Frustration I' (2023)

Digital, Mixed Media 

​

A self portrait created in Cinema 4D.

​

Depicting the frustration of working in a slow medium, the digital and 3D.

​

l've had a very frustrating experience the last few years working as a professional 3D artist, both in commercial and fine art. Having both clients that want me to work for free, on spec, while refusing to understand that my software rental to create visuals costs around 2K per year, and my hardware is around 5K. Kit fees refused. Despite universal inflation costs job fees remain what they were five years ago. Adding to the stress, a lot of the work seems to have diminished, not just for myself but for many other artists.

​

This self portrait depicts my frustation, the depression caused by a medium which constantly demands training and financial output,and though there have been some shining moments this past year has been very difficult for me to maintain my desire to continue this career.

Not only that but the disillusionment of working in ever-changing technology, seeing yourself through social media platforms. Having not been taken care of by Universal Music while creating the Kid Brunswick visuals, my account was blacklisted for over a year on instagram, leaving me unable to gain new followers and potential clients. This was due to the music being copyrighted by Universal- and Iwas not put on their register of approved artists, though I was directly commissioned by them to create a series of nine visuals.

​

Despite this I have pushed on, continuing my training almost every day, and have seen incredible improvement. My knowledge of Cinema 4D and octane have grown leaps and bounds, and this portrait was created in one day start to finish, looking very much like the concept I had in mind. This image is me behind glass, frustrated. Trying to break through. Seeing something just past the distorted glass.